Autumn Update

October 8, 2010 § 5 Comments

I intended to write another Autumn Manifesto this year. But it’s already October, and I never did paint that darn hallway last year. I don’t plan to paint it right now either, and I’m just fine with that. I have way better things to do with my Autumn (I can’t believe I mentioned my hallway last year)! So, in lieu of a manifesto, a random update:

– I’ve thought amazingly little about our lost trip to Scandinavia last month. We made the best decision we could – and instead of the memories, our sweet girl got a robo-knee. She’s healing well and will hopefully be able to get around more easily and really enjoy her older years. Worth it. We are very fortunate. Moving on.

– Our house is in a state of disarray due to the aforementioned robo-knee and necessary term of confinement of The Sweeter, but it will all be put back together in good time. In the meantime, we are testing out living in a much smaller space. Totally do-able.

– Great music coming through town this fall. The National last week (awesome), Matt&Kim, Me First & the Gimmee Gimmees, The Weepies, Dessa, The Freelance Whales…

– Fall is in full swing here and it is amazing. After that hellishly long & hot summer, it feels delicious (and my definition of chilly has officially increased by 10 degrees!). Pulling out long-sleeves and sweaters and cooking fall-ish food. Soup! Chili! Curry!

– My teacher training has been nearly all-consuming. Hefty daily requirements. I am so glad I was already practicing daily – I wouldn’t have been able to make the adjustment otherwise. Best things so far:

  • Self-inquiry rocks. I’m having more instances of being able to say, without drama, what’s on my mind and letting go of what happens next. Even, remarkably, at work. “This troubles me because…What do you think? Am I misunderstanding?” 2 minutes instead of hours of obsessing/worrying from holding it in or fear that I said the wrong thing. Also some resulting positive changes in interactions and relationships.
  • T inquiring/observing what I’m working on, then turning around and feeding it back to me by example (when I’m having not-so-clear moments, hunger issues or reactionary behavior), and learning it again from him. Way cool. He is a yogi – practicing alongside me even though he doesn’t do the poses.
  • The people. Our group is awesome. Diverse – all ages (I am about smack dab in the middle), several non-native English speakers (What’s the best way to say that? I feel uncultured that I don’t know), veg-heads/raw foodies/vehement meat eaters, different religious backgrounds, different body-types and practice preferences and abilities. I love it. LOVE IT.

Hardest things so far:

  • Self-inquiry sucks. More contradictions. I’m not a fearful person! I’m brave! And strong!! RAWR!! But, there is my shyness – which is shyness, but also partly fear. My tendency to hide away from friends and family especially when overwhelmed or emotional – which is introversion, but also partly fear. Procrastination – which is partly laziness, but also, partly, fear. Ugh. My (our) decision to not have children which is in direct contrast to my desire to work with girls – for some reason I’m completely comfortable with this particular contradiction. The others, not so much.
  • Speaking of the girl stuff (and of fear), I might have a pretty cool opportunity for my service project – which involves at-risk girls… and horses. OMG horses. I’m more terrified of horses than I am of girls. Crazy right? Just thinking about this is hard. Doing it scares the living shit out of me.
  • All the requirements. Dude. I am ex-hausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Smoked.
  • Zazen meditation. Makes me feel desperately un-zen like. Which hand is supposed to be on top? Why can’t I just close my eyes? Where the hell is my knitting??

I have some knitting posts to make on purlingplans, actually. I will get around to it. I miss the knitting blogosphere – it seems relatively quiet on the brief visits I have made – I am glad to see that some of you are still out there though. Very glad.

How’s your Autumn? Any big (or little, or lovely) plans?

§ 5 Responses to Autumn Update

  • katrin says:

    I miss knitting too – the cts came back even worse than at the beginning of the year, so no knitting around here. Still I wonder what you’re up to knitting-wise. New design(s) to come????

    The decision you made (travel vs. your beloved dog) definitely was the right one. No-one would like to have a family member suffering!

    Autumn is great until now. We already had the first frost, but very gentle. The world turns colourful, and sunlight is even more beautiful in autumn than it is in summer. One must love this season, no?!
    Golden days. Hope more of them are to come.

    I can relate to the self-inquiry-thing. Much of it here, not always to my “satisfaction”, but some of it going into a good direction (or: “a better one” than before), as far as I can see now.

    I’ve missed a lot it seems… (Teacher-Training???). Think I was too self-centered those last months, but I’m trying to catch up.

    Hope your day is as nice as mine has been!
    xo

  • tini says:

    Knitting is what’s keeping me sane around here at the moment.

    But autumn has been a lot better than summer so far. Finally I’m able to take care of the twins alone, having to admit, that I need help was hard. Having to admit, that I won’t get over ppd alone was even harder.

    But, I sought help and got medicatiion and now I feel, that it was the right thing to do. Sometimes it’s just hard to adjust. My life has been changing so much, since the twins arrived. I’m totally in love with them but I also miss my old life….

  • MayaB says:

    Well as you know, my autumn has been incredible busy, and I have to say like tini, that it is my knitting that keep me sane. Hope you get some knitting done when thing (hopefully) settles a bit. I would love to see more of your beautiful projects. And remember there is a lot of Zen in knitting!

    BTW thank you for the lovely comment, I really appreciate it.

  • Rachel says:

    First, I think (despite the name) that manifestos are about dreams and hopes…not to do lists! So what if you didn’t paint the hallway or you have no intention of painting it this year. If writing an autumn manifesto makes you feel hopeful and appreciate the season and the moment, do it again, just leave off the hallway this year! 😉

    I’m glad for the update and to see that you are dealing with the disappointment of a missed trip so well. Although with a face like Sweeter’s I imagine that makes it a bit easier to take. Also enjoy reading about both the revelations and struggles from the teacher training…sounds though like you made the right choice in participating.

    By the way…coming out and petting the girls will help prepare you for horses. Just saying. 😉

    Our autumn is almost over, but I’ve been knitting up a storm, have gotten back into cooking and baking bread, and trying to spend as much time outdoors enjoying the last of the warmish weather as possible. Not a bad way to spend an autumn.

  • heatherknits says:

    Nothing deep to say at the moment, just checking in after a flurry of work. But I really appreciate your observation that so many aspects of … life? personality? can be traced back to fear. How helpful to be able to name it.

    And – the Weepies. I don’t know much of their stuff, but one night I watched Werner Herzog’s “Encounters at the End of the World” and followed it by viewing all the extra footage with “Antarctica” on repeat. It was amazing. Suddenly I wanted to go to Antarctica, more than anything else, ever. [Obviously the urge has faded a smidge…]

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