More Autumn Stuff & Random Thoughts

October 28, 2010 § 2 Comments

I am having an incredibly hard time focusing this last week or so. Ever since I mentioned the Autumn Manifesto all I want to do is some Fall scheming. Some Random Associated (or not) Thoughts.

-I have this feeling (common for me in the Fall, but maybe more intense this year) of coming craziness, upheaval, whirlwindishness… like an impending Carolina thunderstorm. With excitement as much as a will-that-tree-come-down-on-the-house feeling. Maybe we’ll be exactly where we are now next year. I feel like I have said this before (maybe even more than once), and yes, here we still are. Maybe it’s only the internal landscape that’s shifting (which makes everything look different, even if it doesn’t actually LOOK different, if you know what I mean).

-Bought some books for a paper for my yoga teacher training (Krishnamurti. Ooof.) And on the way I nearly bought at least 5 others. I am struck by a desire to hole up for days, devouring piles of fascinating books that I don’t understand.

-I’m considering selling my spinning wheel. And my camera. And my bike. All of which I love, but not emotionally. Without a doubt I will use them again someday, but ‘someday’ seems like a silly reason to keep them around – especially if they inspire guilt – which my wheel especially does, and my camera is beginning to do. They could be in use and making someone happy instead of gathering dust here. It’s not as though these are family heirlooms; I can get another when I have more time for these pursuits (and would likely be more thoughtful about the purchase too). They may go in order of their last use. Bike first, then spinning wheel. Then camera. At this moment, the camera’s the only one that really gives me pause. I even attempted to take a picture for this post… I’ll write about how well that went later 😉 Maybe I am just in a mood.

Mumford and Sons are not remotely conducive to getting work done. Cooking, yes; knitting, yes; reading/working/studying? No. (And how fun to have not one, but TWO good friends listening to them in the same week & sharing the good word?)

-I just (finally) cast on a pair of sleeves for a long desired knit. The body of this unseen WIP (which may become my most favorite sweater ever) was finished just before beginning teacher training in September. But I haven’t been able to break away from everything else to just. cast. on. sleeves. already. The knitting will take a fraction of the thinking-about-casting-on time. And the casting on itself? @20 mins complete w/ checking stitch counts, switching needle tips, etc. Procrastination is such a strange and funny thing.

-Reviewed my 43Things and began striking things off the list – namely anything driven by guilt or purely based on accomplishment & recognition. It is very interesting to watch this process change for me over time – what I remove, what I see as important enough to keep or add and also how I phrase it. Everything that remains is something that furthers the bigger goals on the list, or something I really WANT to do/learn, or is value based. I like that.

-Dreams and goals are awesome (when they are not based on guilt or perceived shortcomings!) But my goals don’t talk about all the existing awesomeness. If I’m going to review goals, I want to review all that too. I want to recognize that we sing & boogie while making dinner. And make ridiculous and inappropriate jokes while listening to NPR. That I write and move and spend time in silence every day. Doggy kisses, music that’s filling my heart, small kindnesses. It’s finally a daily habit to write about these things – inspired by Katrin’s Penguin’s, Sarah’s Very Good Things, and Rachel’s Joy Project among others. It feels like focussing on these little & big happy things should really be a part of the whole goal/dreaming process too though. Maybe even the very first step.

What are you feeling grateful for these days?

§ 2 Responses to More Autumn Stuff & Random Thoughts

  • heatherknits says:

    What am I feeling grateful for? This is a question that I don’t spend enough time on. In fact, I think I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about what I am not grateful for. I think I discovered Sarah’s blog through you, and each time I see her list, I think – yup, I should do that. Because it’s so so so easy to dwell on the things that aren’t going according to plan. And I really have been dwelling. So. I’m really grateful to have you among my friends, and to be in touch even though I am far away, and to be able to anticipate my future life moving back there. I am grateful for the opportunities I’ve had and all the learning I have done. I’m grateful to have the time and space to do what I want when I want, for the most part. I’m grateful to know a place and like a place well enough that I want to move back. And I’m grateful for the friends I’ve met here in the mean time.

    I wish you didn’t feel guilty about having things like a bike and a wheel and a camera. I did sell my bike when I came here, but only because I knew I wouldn’t use it here and I’d had it for 10 years and I knew I actually would prefer a different bike in the future. Even though they may be less used, they are not people, and actually will wait patiently in the corner until you notice them again. For me, they represent potential, rather than unrealized goals or tasks. And if I were working on unburdening, many other items would go first…

  • Rachel says:

    I have to say that I love this post and all it’s ‘random’ thoughts. So many things to think about, to comment on. Like casting on is the ‘hardest’ part of knitting for me too…once I cast on, I’m off and running. I wonder why that is…maybe all the main decisions about size and modifications need to be made before that first stitch hits the needles…maybe I’m not ready yet to commit to the project…curious.

    Mumford and Sons is most definitely not working music. It’s been on every minute I’ve cooked lately and played nonstop on the way to the airport and back this week.

    I miss my joy project and while I had personal reasons for dropping it, I still try to think often about things that make me happy, that I’m grateful for. Otherwise it’s just too easy to get overwhelmed and buried with the negative. I’m glad to hear this is a part of your daily routine!

    Please, oh please, don’t let guilt lead you to give up some things that in the past have given you much pleasure. Life goes in cycles and while today you may not feel an emotional attachment to your wheel or to your camera, I can pinpoint posts you’ve written that show you have had strong emotional ties to these things in the past. If you aren’t satisfied with the model you have and want to buy something different, that’s one thing, but I agree with Heather 100%…they should represent potential, not unrealized goals.

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