Reason or Regress

May 2, 2011 § 5 Comments

I’m finding it hard to breathe today.
Skin cells on edge, tight ribcage, heart fish-flopping. I recognize this feeling now… It’s the fear that comes before a shift, before I step through the uncertainty and resistance into being in some slightly new way (or, maybe, some OLD way, some truer way).

This physical response – this is Fight or Flight, right? Or not. I prefer not to use the word “fight” here. It sounds too much like war, and I don’t like to apply terms of violence to my fear. Maybe it is appropriate in some way… Sometimes we have to be warriors in working with the Self… Or maybe (for me, for now) it’s more like Reason or Regress – these are not matters of life or death. But, there is still the fear. And even though it’s not a case of survival – my body remembers it’s animal habits and responds with sweaty palms telling me that here, there is something hard, something true and maybe, some opportunity.

Recognizing this feeling gives me a chance to be more conscious while I am in this space. I will engage with this discomfort. I will do what’s necessary for the shift to come. I won’t fight the fear, I won’t fight my head to allow my heart it’s chance to speak. I will hear it out, I will WAIT it out if necessary… and likely, I will recognize that there is not so much to be afraid of here after all. I will be courageously kind. I will carve out space and devote the time and energy to taking one tiny step (and another…) setting my own pace, trusting that I (still) don’t need to know the exact outcome.

The steps will get me there in time. The process is the important part.

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